Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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