Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
