I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
