tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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