where am i from again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
