you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How's work?
Spinning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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