i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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