I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
