id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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