my sisters under your porch take her home
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
