I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
