Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize