the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
