last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
