Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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