she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize