new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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