they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
