My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
