So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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