What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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