two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The air taste purple.
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