This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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