My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize