he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
