dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
