Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
