I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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