her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
