I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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