Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
