problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
