I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
