dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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