i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
