His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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