She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize