I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
COCAINE IS GR8
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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