i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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