You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize