i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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