I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
