my being single is dangerous.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
