ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
