false alarm. still invincible.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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