i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
