i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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