I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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