Plan B is the new Plan A
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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