You're my little dorito
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
