Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
