his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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