well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
