Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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