Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
