i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and she was petting her beer can
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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