take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
