I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
