Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
