i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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