nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
