I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
