one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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