I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
