I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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