her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
