I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
