this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
