im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
