I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
