I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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