Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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