So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
