I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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