3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
