Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
