Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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