I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
