Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
