my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
