And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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