Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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