Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
