i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
