my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have tasted many bathrooms
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
