Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
