If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
