All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
