its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
