mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
