I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He has the fingertips of a God
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
