the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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