Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
