The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
