it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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