I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
