did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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