His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
