if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
