Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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