who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
