So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my shit smells like andre
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
