I wish I could punch you in the face.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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